Getting back to “Me”

To be honest, and I’m all about brutal honesty behind the comforting veil of this blog, I am in a rut. Since returning from Europe I’ve felt displaced and out of sync; I am floundering and undirected. So here, now, for every-one’s eyes, is a list (a l…o…n…g list) of things I need to get back to Me:

I need more yoga. I need to stretch, breathe, bend and focus.

I need to write more, blog more, read more.

I need to find the eloquence of Earnest Girl, the honesty of Her Bad Mother, the commitment of PhD in Parenting and the moxy of the Yummy Mummy Club.

I need my husband to come home from his business trip. Things are better with him by my side.

I need to move. My place of residence and my body.

I need more tea, less coffee.

I need to watch less TV, eat more fibre, get more sleep.

I need to have a long, leisurely lunch with my girl-friends.

I need a FAB new pair of shoes. Something with heels. Something impractical. Something red.

I need my new 10-week-old kitten to overcome the retrovirus ravaging his body.

I need to judge less, embrace more and just say, “Yes.” What I need is an attitude adjustment.

I need to learn a craft, something right-brain oriented and therapeutic in nature: sewing, knitting, perhaps découpage?

I need rain. Not just any rain, but a heavy, cleansing, deluge from the skies to wash away the malaise and make everything new again.

I need fresh flowers on my table.

I need to de-clutter. My house. My closet. My mind.

I need a glass of fine red wine. Blasted Church vineyard’s Nothing Sacred would do very nicely.

I need fruit, organically grown and fresh from the trees of the interior of B.C. No hot house fruits need apply.

I need to do better. Just two weeks back into a ‘Regular Schedule,’ and this is what I have fed Little Miss over the past 36 hours: Take-out Chinese food for dinner last night (including deep-fried chili chicken wings, which, I suspect, are not really Chinese); a Starbucks ham-and-cheese breakfast sandwich and chai tea latte for breakfast this morning; topped off with a left-over dry ginger beef and Chow Mein (veggie Chow Mein, mind you, my one saving grace) for lunch today. I am contemplating pancakes for dinner tonight. I need to be less lazy. I need my “Good Mom” badge revoked.

I need to express patience when I don’t have it, gratitude for all of my blessings and to exude pure joy at the many, many little things that make me happy everyday. I need to remember these.

But mostly, I need to be myself. I need to let that be enough.

• • •

Anyone else out there stuck in an emotional rut? Tell me what you need to get back to You.

12 Responses to “Getting back to “Me””

  1. I felt a lot like you a couple of weeks ago. Kids back in school and I was standing in the rubble of what was left of myself after summer vacation. Everyday I took one thing…just one thing and organized it, or cleaned it, or planned for it. I only worried about that one thing. At the end of the day, I could go to bed with a feeling of accomplishment…looking forward to the next’s day reclamation project.

    • Hi Lanita, It’s so interesting to me, what you said about choosing one small (or big!) project each day, focusing on that, and ending the day with a sense of accomplishment. My mom used to do that, probably still does, and it worked for her. I guess sometimes we don’t need to look very far to find what we need. Thanks for reminding me and for taking the time to read!

  2. i think we’ve all been there at some point or another, and we all get through it. but when you’re in the thick of it, it’s hard. your list is a nice reminder. and as for learning a new craft… i’d suggest knitting. i’m a bit biased because i enjoy it immensely, but i also know it can be very meditative. and you have something to show for it at the end of it all.

    (i did write an intro to knitting needles on my blog just the other day… feel free to delete this link if you feel it’s spammy. that’s not my intention, just sharing :) http://imadeitso.com/2010/08/09/knitting-needles-101-part-1/)

    whatever you decide, i’m sure you’ll pull yourself out of this.

    all the best,
    ana

    • Thanks for visiting and sending me your kind thoughts and suggestions. I think it is the meditative aspect of crafts that I crave: the left-brain to right-brain switch. If I take up knitting, I’ll post it!

  3. found the time to visit this site, and was inspired by the feelings of other women like myself. being a fun mom is not difficult, if you practice what you preach to your children and just be yourself. i found the relationship i have with my two boys is better when i don’t feel pressured to assure a good time is had. just enjoy every moment for what it is.

    • Thanks for stopping by Tara. I appreciate your thoughts because, like you, it’s nice to hear of other women sharing the same experiences. You are right: we don’t need to feel pressure to “Fun“, we just need to engage.

  4. I’ve been in a rut – emotionally/career-wise for about a decade. Maybe I’ll try some of your tips. If it helps, me tendency is to feed my one-year-old white food (bread and butter, yogurt and mac and cheese!)

    Great post ;) Now let’s kick our ruts curbside!

  5. Hi!! Visiting you from We Aren’t Perfect. I just got out of a rut so I can emphathize. Your list sounds full of good ideas but it sounds like the last 2 bullets are what you really need to get out of the spot your in; at least that’s what I did and it really helped. (Along with 4 tough workouts a week)

    • Thanks for taking the time to visit. You are so right: The last two are the most important (although the wine and flowers wouldn’t hurt ;) ) and those are the ones I’m working on first. Glad to hear that you are out of your rut. I am, hopefully, right behind you. In the meantime, it’s nice to hear that others feel the same way some times. Take care and come back soon.

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